"Welcome the real world," she said to me condescendingly Ok, so I'm 21 now, and god damn have I paid for it. I was a little pissed because when I want plans to go through, people gotta be throwin' monkey wrenches in it. Thank God Chris was as bored as I was. I ended up visiting the Hard Rock Cafe in Phoenix, got a little tipsy (well, more than I should have) and walked around downtown PHX and eventually back to the hotel room. That was fun and spontaneous...wish I could do that more often.
The next day the guys and gal from work take me out. Chris didn't go...I guess I tired him out before or something. Either way, I get my first hang over, and man did it suck. Can't throw up at home...oh no. I gotta do it at work because my stomach wasn't willing to let go so easily. Damn alcohol. Sure was fun, tho. I tell myself, "Ok, self, I've done it, now I'm happy." I lied to myself and do it again the next night. I got one of our managers drunk. That was fun. :) Way to go Tom!!!!
Meanwhile things have only gotten better in my life. Letting go has really helped, except I know it won't last. It's been to good so far for me to just let it go as a memory. I only hope the future is gonna be as good. The last year has been hectic to say the least. Now, tho, I have what I want...or close to it, and I'm happy for the time being. This summer will be a great one...especially if plans to Vegas go through. I just gotta cross my fingers and hope for the worst. Wanting the best only gets me disappointed. It's like some fucking annoying aura or something. It never fails. However, I do live my life in my head. I analyze and focus and interpret to the point that I don't see the world the say way anyone else does.
On another personal note, I'm driving myself crazy. Hormones are kicking in again (they do every once in a while) and I can't act on it...my p.o.v. of myself doesn't allow for it. I wish I had the cajones to go out and talk and use pick up lines and shit. Except, because I guess I'm "desperate" (heaven save me), my mind is wandering and thinking things it shouldn't be. Yet one more thing to try to contain.
And I know I mentioned the whole gym thing before...and guess what? I'm going! It's hella fun, and I'm enjoying it all. I only hope I can keep going with someone. Going alone only makes me more self-conscious.
Ok, enough rantings....ttyl
