Adrienne, I thought I knew you, but once again you used me, used me I haven't posted in a while so I figured it's time for an update. I'm bored with my life, had a fight or two with my mom, and can't wait for that special something...that something I pretend to know but am too afraid to admit to myself. What is it? I'm not telling just yet.......

However, I am feeling a bit better and more confident. Whodathunk I could keep going to the gym every other day? Not I. Thanks to Chris' competitive dedication, I find myself striving to go, even when I'm too fucking tired to blink. It's fun, and at the end of the day, I don't know if I even accomplished anything. I guess I was hoping for speedier results. *shrugs* Oh well.

I'm also finding myself in more of a creative mood. I've been tempted to go write a novel or finish a screenplay. It's tempting but I'm so bored I can't concentrate on anything. The itch is there, however. I wanna do something...I have the urge to create. I just don't know where the energy is gonna come from.

I'm just waiting, which is driving me insane. Vegas should be a lot of fun, should everything stay on the same track and we do end up going. Tho, I'm not sure I'm waiting for Vegas. I'm waiting for a moment, for something to happen. I know what it is, but my pessimism tells me it won't happen. But, in a cruel twist of irony, I'm feeling more confident about myself in all aspects. Well, all except those that involve being socially capable. I'm not really as funny as I think I am, or when I am around friends. I don't know what role I play, and sadly, no one tells me what I'm supposed to play. When I'm around Kurt or Jamison, I lead. When I'm around Andrea, I attempt to be the iron-clad boots to keep Andrea's lofty ideas to the ground, when I'm around Chris, I try to spur his creativity on. He's more talented then he lets on, and I wish he could see it, too.

I guess I'm competing for something with my friends. Once again I don't know where I stand with them. Andrea seems more lost to me, especially in her pursuit of falling in love. I haven't talked to Jamison and Kurt in the longest time, and I think that they're mad at me...tho I could be wrong. I often am.

And just why the hell are all of my blogs so freaking long? Do I always have so much to say? Is this all important? Why do I question myself? ;-) Blah, who cares. I'm going to bed now that my last on the buddy list has signed off. G'night...talk to ya later.

p.s. in case you're wondering...the bold quotes are all song lyrics from the last song I heard before starting each entry. No specific meaning...just the words that stick out for some reason.